Ian and Sue Wallace Counselling

Feature image

Let us help you have the life you want

not the one other people think you should have

Face to face appointments resume from the 17th of August

Now we have some idea of what we need to do in order to create a safe space to see Clients face to face again, we are now offering face to face appointments again, this does attract some conditions of safety and track and trace conditions which you will need to agree too in advance of the sessions in order for us to see you in the office.
We hope that this can be as non-intrusive as possible to our work but we remain vigilant in keeping you safe and adhering to any government and landlord requests. We realise that this has to be a fluid process and may well need to be replaced with phone or internet connections if we are told to do so. We will of course still be offering phone or internet options on-going for people who prefer to connect by these means.
Our phone or internet connections are based on 45 minute sessions at a cost of £40 and our face to face sessions are for one hour at a cost of £60 all are now paid for in advance by either debit or credit card.
We thank all our current Client's for being so understanding in these unprecedented times and look forward to seeing future Client's knowing that we are trying to make your sessions and worlds as safe as we can.
Take care and keep safe.

My Autumn schedule of training for Therapists is now out.

If your looking to extend your counselling knowledge and would like to access quality accredited training then please contact me or look at my training web site www.iwtc.org.uk. Courses include Couple's training, Systemic understanding and interventions, Abuse and many more.

In light of the situation of Corona Virus Zoom Consultations are available online or via Phone

If you are self isolating and would like help and support then Ian offers counselling with Clients either by Zoom, a more secure form of Skype, or on a land line telephone, for a discounted fee of £40 for 45 minutes, if you feel more comfortable to access your therapy in this way and not meeting face to face or cannot travel to access our services and can use a computer or the phone then please give him a call.

Home. insecurity book cover

New book available on Amazon and Kindle

My new book, Insecurity its all about me, is now available to buy on Amazon and on Kindle.
This book helps you to understand the complexities and enabling ways to work with insecurity in our lives and our Clients lives. It focusses on helpful ways to work with and explore our insecurities giving you a understanding of how insecurity impacts on our lives. What behavioural patterns then emerge from our natural insecure drive.
Buy it here Buy it here
view a clip here View it here

A small investment for years of happiness.

More ways to improve your life and your relationship

Visit my other site Seeking Change to find more tools and ways to have a healthy life and relationship.

About Us

Hi my name is Ian and I started Counselling Wakefield over 20 years ago. I and my professional associates work at Counselling Wakefield. We are fully qualified to deliver the Counselling, Supervision and the other therapies we offer. I am also the Counsellor for Relate Wakefield, Dewsbury and I also offer counselling services for all WF postcodes, although the Relate Wakefield is a paid for service.

We all have many years of extensive practical experience counselling Client’s. We work with all the areas of life’s conflicts and issues, from helping with your relationships, bereavement, self-esteem, sexual issues and mental health, which may be affecting you. If you feel you are seeking change and seem lost, stuck, or with no one to turn to? Then counselling Wakefield will help you to find a way forward.

If you would like more updates and information then why not drop by my Facebook page and if you like it then please say so. Many thanks Ian

Home. relationship issues

Contact us

Please call Ian on 0776 9976620 Su on 0776 9976626 to discuss your individual needs so we can offer the most appropriate counselling or therapy support and help for your individual situation(Answer phone will connect if we are busy with clients, but please leave a message, and we will return your call as soon as possible)

For relate Wakefield, Dewsbury and WF postcodes services please contact only Ian.

We will arrange a suitable appointment time, with no commitment, to confidentially discuss your needs with Relate trained Counsellors who are experienced in working with Families, CYP Individuals and Couples or our other specialists who work with sexual addictions, PST (psycho sexual therapy) CBT (Cognitive behaviour therapy) or severe mental health issues.

Our hand-picked professional Counsellor / Associates can also offer Supervision, business and personal coaching all of which are offered from our Wakefield Premises, although for business coaching visits to company offices can be arranged or can be conducted via skype.

If you would like to access our Coaching or training services for personal, life and business development then please visit Pinnacle

Opening hours

Our Wakefield hours of opening are Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday from 9.30 till 9pm. As appointment availability can change hourly it is best to phone us to check our availability and to book an appointment with a Counsellor.

What issues and organisations we work with

We help people with counselling around Couple conflict, Relationships both personal and work, Self Esteem, Confidence Building, Bereavement, Emotional Conflict, Sexual Addictions, Family therapy and Gender Identity, EMDR, in fact anyone seeking change in their life.

Ian also is a qualified teacher and trains people in understanding why their life can go wrong and what to do to make it right. The information for these course for individuals, parents, couples and groups can be found at Intuitive Therapy. I hold my training courses locally and in other areas or even at your own venue if you would like me to. The information for these course can be found at Pinnacle

We do and have also provided Counselling and Therapy to the following agencies Relate, HM Forces, Local Government Authorities, GP Surgeries, Police, Ambulance, EAP's, NHS and other local providers across the Wakefield, Dewsbury and WF postcodes.

Where are we based

We have our counselling practices just off Denby Dale Rd, just outside Wakefield city centre and is close to the M1 junction 39 also bus terminus's, which is easily reached from Leeds, Huddersfield, Dewsbury, Ossett, and all outlining WF postcodes. our offices
For further information or to make a booking please contact us on:
Tel: Mobile for Ian 0776 9976620 or Su 0776 9976626
(Answer phone will connect if we are busy with clients, but please leave a message and your contact details, saying if we can leave a message, and we will return your call as soon as possible)

Ian and Su Wallace

We are registered with the following appropriate organisations.

Home. new ncp logo

Home. BACP

Home. Registration

Lying or making things up

When people seem to be lying they are not always doing so through a process of awareness of what they are doing but it may just be a sub-conscious reaction to a behavioural norm. What I mean is that if they have grown up in an environment where they have felt criticised or challenged of their ideas or reality then they might resort to making things up to what they think the person they are engaging in conversation with wants to hear.
This defensive reaction may well be seen as lying where in fact they are usually making things up in order to deflect possible criticism from the other person, this is usually so instinctive that they may well not realise initially what they have done until they have voiced the made up reality and they have then had the reaction from the other person, this will usually incur questioning of the lie, as they see it, which the other person may then may perceive as an interrogation of themselves, thus re-enforcing the critical feeling and thus making more things up in order to cover up the first thing they made up or arguing their point even further.
Usually then both parties will be frustrated, the person making the things up, due to guilt feelings and the other person because the feel insecure in not having the information they need or the reality they need to know. This can be a very destructive process but if each person can change the person making things able to give some space before they answer the question so being able to think and construct a positive communication that is the reality. The other person understanding why their partner engages that way and changing their own communication process so as to not use critical language which forces a defensive reaction.
This will enable both parties to communicate with a positive process a win win result, which always is the best solution.

Having hard Conversations

When you need to talk to someone, who is connected to you emotionally, about something that is not easy to talk about then you can use the structure of your words in that communication to get a better result which concludes in a win win for both parties. This is what I call having hard conversations, the ones you worry about or are unsure about with the possible negative reactions of the other person.
The conversation is in three parts:
The first part is a way of creating a non-aggressive non-confrontational process which helps the other person to relax and see your view without them feeling attack. The process is that you take full ownership of the reason for the conversation and your part in it, speaking from the I position. An example of this would be.
“I feel bad at the moment that we can’t see eye to eye about it and I know that sometimes I don’t express myself well and how I put things across. I feel that I am lonely because I don’t feel connected at the moment”.
Taking full ownership and not putting the responsibility into their domain helps them to lose the defensive position and be more connected to you and sympathetic to your position.
The second part is the win win part you describe how you would like to change things so that both parties benefit. An example of this would be.
“I hope that if we could only be more connected to each other that would help us both to have a better relationship and not feel disconnected”
Both parties get something from this.
The final part is one which puts the responsibility on the other party to say they want this and want to help to achieve it, in this party less words is better and more effective so you don’t stray from the path so to speak. An example would be.
“I know I cannot do this on my own would you like to have that also”
A direct closed question finalises it and puts the ball firmly in their court.
If they reply with a wooly answer and try to skirt it then you put it firmly back to them and you keep doing that until they make the decision. An example would be.
Reply “I’m not sure”
Possible replies “When will you be able to tell me?”

“What can I do to help you to know?”
So it’s an ownership, Win win and give responsibility process and then you can hopefully get a better result, either a compromise or an understanding that they don’t want to help you or have a better relationship which then at least you can make a choice over.

“Have the life you want not the one other people think you should have”


Ian Wallace Relate Counsellor in Wakefield

©2020 Ian Wallace — powered by WebHealer
Website Cookies   Privacy Policy   Admin Login